Started out the day feeling the effects of a new medicine. And the dog puking on the bed. So the computer being funky... yeah... normal.
I have been enjoying everyone's thankful posts this month. I haven't followed suit by posting everyday but I will put some things in here that I am most thankful for.
I am thankful for God, my friends, my family. I am thankful to have found the person with whom I am supposed to spend the rest of my life. I am thankful for our healthy, smart, beautiful son. I am thankful to have friends on all sides of social, political, and religious ideologies. I am thankful that I live in a country where they can debate and not worry about the government attacking them.
I have been dealing with a lot of emotional junk over the past few weeks/months. I have always struggled with my weight, well, not always. It started in high school when I put on a good deal of weight. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking "how did I let myself get here?". Things were said and I will probably never forget them.
This was me at senior prom. I detest looking at this photo. *sigh*
Anyway, after that I was told certain things. Like "you're the type of girl you f*ck, not the kind you take home" and upon being compared to another girl, "why would someone choose ground chuck (me) when they could have prime rib?". I still hear those phrases.
Then I lost weight in college. Actually was happy with the way I looked for the most part. Graduated college. Moved to Hopkinsville, KY. Met my ex husband. Things were great. Then we moved to Alaska. My awesome husband turned into a physically and emotionally abusive d-bag. I won't go into a lot of detail, but suffice to say my self worth was GARBAGE by the time we were apart.
I hit a bit of a weight plateau at 135lbs when I was in Pikeville. Then I had a procedure done that required me to stop a medication I had been taking since I was 14. I started dropping weight like crazy. And obsessing over it. I got down to 103lbs.
Those are me at 110 to 103lbs. I miss that. ALOT. Well, fast forwarding a bit, Zach and I decided to have kiddo (YAY) and I got up to 156lbs by the time I went into labor. Upon leaving the hospital I had lost 20lbs. So 136. Today I am 154lbs and feel like kicking myself :-/
I'm tired of feeling like a whale - and feeling like I look like one. I am not going to fool myself into thinking that I can diet over Thanksgiving. So my goal is to start dieting after Thanksgiving and get back down to 130. *sigh*
So we will see.