Ohhhh Monday

Lets try this again.  Had a decent amount of blog written and it went bye bye.  Yay computer.  Pretty sure thats just how this morning is gonna go LOL. Oh how I love mondays.

Started out the day feeling the effects of a new medicine.  And the dog puking on the bed.  So the computer being funky... yeah... normal.

I have been enjoying everyone's thankful posts this month.  I haven't followed suit by posting everyday but I will put some things in here that I am most thankful for.

I am thankful for God, my friends, my family.  I am thankful to have found the person with whom I am supposed to spend the rest of my life.  I am thankful for our healthy, smart, beautiful son.  I am thankful to have friends on all sides of social, political, and religious ideologies.  I am thankful that I live in a country where they can debate and not worry about the government attacking them.

I have been dealing with a lot of emotional junk over the past few weeks/months.  I have always struggled with my weight, well, not always.  It started in high school when I put on a good deal of weight.  I remember looking in the mirror and thinking "how did I let myself get here?".  Things were said and I will probably never forget them.

This was me at senior prom.  I detest looking at this photo. *sigh*

Anyway, after that I was told certain things.  Like "you're the type of girl you f*ck, not the kind you take home" and upon being compared to another girl, "why would someone choose ground chuck (me) when they could have prime rib?".  I still hear those phrases.

Then I lost weight in college.  Actually was happy with the way I looked for the most part.  Graduated college.  Moved to Hopkinsville, KY.  Met my ex husband.  Things were great.  Then we moved to Alaska.  My awesome husband turned into a physically and emotionally abusive d-bag.  I won't go into a lot of detail, but suffice to say my self worth was GARBAGE by the time we were apart.

I hit a bit of a weight plateau at 135lbs when I was in Pikeville.  Then I had a procedure done that required me to stop a medication I had been taking since I was 14.  I started dropping weight like crazy.  And obsessing over it.  I got down to 103lbs.

  

Those are me at 110 to 103lbs.  I miss that.  ALOT.  Well, fast forwarding a bit, Zach and I decided to have kiddo (YAY) and I got up to 156lbs by the time I went into labor.  Upon leaving the hospital I had lost 20lbs.  So 136.  Today I am 154lbs and feel like kicking myself :-/

I'm tired of feeling like a whale - and feeling like I look like one.  I am not going to fool myself into thinking that I can diet over Thanksgiving.  So my goal is to start dieting after Thanksgiving and get back down to 130.  *sigh*

So we will see. 

Me Now.