Monday, November 19, 2012

Ohhhh Monday

Lets try this again.  Had a decent amount of blog written and it went bye bye.  Yay computer.  Pretty sure thats just how this morning is gonna go LOL. Oh how I love mondays.

Started out the day feeling the effects of a new medicine.  And the dog puking on the bed.  So the computer being funky... yeah... normal.

I have been enjoying everyone's thankful posts this month.  I haven't followed suit by posting everyday but I will put some things in here that I am most thankful for.

I am thankful for God, my friends, my family.  I am thankful to have found the person with whom I am supposed to spend the rest of my life.  I am thankful for our healthy, smart, beautiful son.  I am thankful to have friends on all sides of social, political, and religious ideologies.  I am thankful that I live in a country where they can debate and not worry about the government attacking them.

I have been dealing with a lot of emotional junk over the past few weeks/months.  I have always struggled with my weight, well, not always.  It started in high school when I put on a good deal of weight.  I remember looking in the mirror and thinking "how did I let myself get here?".  Things were said and I will probably never forget them.

This was me at senior prom.  I detest looking at this photo. *sigh*

Anyway, after that I was told certain things.  Like "you're the type of girl you f*ck, not the kind you take home" and upon being compared to another girl, "why would someone choose ground chuck (me) when they could have prime rib?".  I still hear those phrases.

Then I lost weight in college.  Actually was happy with the way I looked for the most part.  Graduated college.  Moved to Hopkinsville, KY.  Met my ex husband.  Things were great.  Then we moved to Alaska.  My awesome husband turned into a physically and emotionally abusive d-bag.  I won't go into a lot of detail, but suffice to say my self worth was GARBAGE by the time we were apart.

I hit a bit of a weight plateau at 135lbs when I was in Pikeville.  Then I had a procedure done that required me to stop a medication I had been taking since I was 14.  I started dropping weight like crazy.  And obsessing over it.  I got down to 103lbs.


Those are me at 110 to 103lbs.  I miss that.  ALOT.  Well, fast forwarding a bit, Zach and I decided to have kiddo (YAY) and I got up to 156lbs by the time I went into labor.  Upon leaving the hospital I had lost 20lbs.  So 136.  Today I am 154lbs and feel like kicking myself :-/

I'm tired of feeling like a whale - and feeling like I look like one.  I am not going to fool myself into thinking that I can diet over Thanksgiving.  So my goal is to start dieting after Thanksgiving and get back down to 130.  *sigh*

So we will see. 

Me Now.

Monday, October 29, 2012

sleep? pretty sure that's a myth

kinda like unicorns and the tooth fairy... I'm sure at some point I will get back on some sort of sleep schedule but as of right now it's 1240am and I am AWAKE.

laundry in progress.
dishes put away.
started cleaning out the hall closet upstairs (kinda scary).
so now I am in bed with a sleeping kiddo on my lap after he just won another round in the battle to get him off of the boob...
and my mind is going a zillion different directions at once...

I blame the medication. or lack thereof.

For those of you playing the home game I am on a low grade pain medication called ultram. It works better for me than a lot of others - one thing it's safe for breast feeding (and before you go all md online drug search on me I have checked the infant risk people and it's ok) and its on formulary with my insurance so on post it's free - much needed since finances are super tight.

The dr I see for pain - btw those of you who have one dr that will treat you for everything (Dr.Fannin in Pikeville - I miss that man) hang onto them. I have more drs here than I have sense some days. 😕
Really. I have my PCM (primary care manager) but I can and do see one of the PAs at her office. Then I have my GYN although then guy I saw last time was just "on loan" to the clinic cause they were insanely over booked so when I go back I will see someone different and most likely be told that I have to start being seen off post (that's a whole different blog). Then I have my "pain management" dr that has referred me to a physical therapist. Oh, I was also referred to a different physical therapist by my GYN. Toss a psychiatrist into the mix and it's a hell of a party.
Back to the original point of this particular paragraph - the dr I see for pain wants to switch my meds but the jury is out on whether my insurance will pay so we will see...

*blink* *sips tea*

my brain is my own worst enemy most of the time...

now it tells me that I need to stop blogging for a bit and head downstairs to check on the laundry...

I have thought about doing some back story blogs since I went off the radar for a bit after college... what do you all think about that?

hugs and loves - R

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Snark. Round 2

Ohman. What a day.

Started out decently enough. Decided that the bathroom needed to be bleached - bleach apparently gives me nosebleeds. Good to know for future reference. Then it was time to get kiddo to his one year well baby appointment. His appointment went very very well. He weighs 20lbs 15ozs, is 30 1/2" tall, and his head circumference is in the 99th percentile - yeah he's a rock star.

Then, shots. Oy. Four shots and kiddo was NOT happy 😢
still though, we were ok, the crying was expected and he stopped as soon as the shots were over...

The final part of the day was kiddos lab work. A "finger stick" as was explained to us. Ok. Only one parent allowed in the lab with kiddo; since I was the bad guy for the shots Zach went back for the finger stick. In the waiting area I hear the NCOIC (that's the non commissioned officer in charge for those of you non mil folks) say "hey get one of the students that needs a finger stick" uhm. ok. I'm very ok with student doctors and nurses, and it's a finger stick. Can't be THAT difficult. Right? I was obviously wrong. First off yes it's a finger stick, but it's a finger stick and then squeeze until you fill a vial. Zach said the first one (done by a non student) was at least 35 drops. Did I mention kiddo was screaming the whole time? Still thought Zach said it was decently fast. Then, the student. She almost dropped the vial repeatedly. Could hardly hold kiddos hand. Took AT LEAST 15 minutes. When Zach carried kiddo back out he has blood all over his hand and even some on Zach's uniform!! So we go to the pharmacy to get Tylenol in case of fever due to the vaccines - poor baby finally stops crying and falls asleep. We get to the car to discover that Zach has a voicemail. It's the NCOIC saying that we needed to come back. The sample done by the student had clotted because it had taken her so long and they couldn't use it. What. The. Fuck.

Zach went in and got complaint forms and the NCOIC claimed to not know the students name. Right.

So we are going back tomorrow so poor kiddo can have this finger stick done again.

Zach is going with me cause I am pretty sure if I were I see the student I would not have the best reaction.


In other news Sugar has a sick stomach.

I will need coffee tomorrow. Lots of coffee.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

well, it's been a while

I don't really remember the last time that I kept an online journal ... probably college and that's been, well, a while ago... so we will see how this goes...

I have the worst sleep
habits now, I blame the pain medication that I take but I know it has just as much to do with my brain going a zillion miles
per hour as anything... and the marines are out some where on post playing with large bang bangs... if that doesn't wake me the dog freakin out about it certainly will....

my baby just turned 1... OMG I have a one yr old... I never even thought I would have a child, now I can't imagine my life without him... he is my heart and soul...

I don't imagine that someone without a child can understand how much such a small person can impact your life. it truly changes everything - but I wouldn't have it any other way :-)

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Seay St,Fort Bragg,United States